he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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