So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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