Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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