whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
