Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
