Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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