I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
