Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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