New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
