I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
