you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
