Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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