I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
