cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
