this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
