The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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