The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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