i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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