He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
