i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
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They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
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I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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