I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
