i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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