just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I can't turn off my feet"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
