I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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