yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
