she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
