She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
