she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
