So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
