Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
