Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
