I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the knife in your bed.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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