Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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