Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
