I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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