i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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