While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
