I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
