i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
