the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
