R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
