At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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