Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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