she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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