my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
