Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
