the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
