It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
