He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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