I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
