He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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