well you can't waste a boner
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
