Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The air taste purple.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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