she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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