We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
