I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
