Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
