I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
