Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
