I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
