using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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