there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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