I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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