is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
