heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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