I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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