Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
