Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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